Almost Heaven

Lookie Lookie! My Aunt was driving through my mission while on a road trip and sent me pictures!

This one's my favorite :)

Ehrmahgersh I'm so excited! It's so pretty!

Oh, byyyy the way, I had the wonderful opportunity to guest post on the blog One Year Six months Forever, which I absolutely adore. You can check out my little blurb here.

Choose Ye This Day

Satan is a very real being, that knows us on a level that should make everyone feel very, very uncomfortable. 

(I don't beat around the bush.)

I'm writing about this because he has recently been throwing some of his finest curve balls my way. 

First off: Guy that I kinda-sorta-dated comes back into town and makes things get a little crazy in my head. There are some...interesting stories that I could tell about that one. I start questioning if I really want to go on a mission after all. If I leave, he will get married while I am gone. The thought ran through my mind constantly.

Next: I see my one and only ex-boyfriend in town. I NEVER see this guy 'just around town', okay? Things did NOT end well. At all. I've only seen him once before post-break up, and that was a freaky event that I wished never to repeat. Seeing him throws me off my game, plain and simple. SO, when I saw him during the midst of my I-haven't-gotten-my-call-yet-and-I-really-am-barely-keeping-my-cool craze, 
(with the lovely addition of Guy #1 issues), seeing him at this point made me want to cry/scream/throw up/pull my hair out. As if this cocktail of emotions wasn't enough, this ex-boyfriend of mine decides that it would be a really good idea to call me a foul name as I walk by. I cried after rushing to the nearest corner out of sight.

After that: My little sister and I have a rocky relationship right now. We used to be the best of friends. We barely speak now, and I miss her more than I could possibly tell you. I understand that being a teenager is hard, and that there are times when all you need is lots and lots of space. But I'm leaving in less than 3 months. She...she'll be so different after I get back. In a last ditch effort to make contact, I asked if she was going to write me while I was gone. She responded with a very short, very prompt, and extremely serious, "No."

Finally: The first person that I ever invited to take the missionary discussions who also ended up getting baptized has recently fallen away from the church and said some extremely nasty things to me just a few short days ago. She told me that I was going to be the worst missionary ever, and that I was going to fail miserably in the field. She told me all about what an awful, horrible person she thinks that I am. She exploited some very real insecurities that I have to make me feel very, very small. She wished many bad things would happen to me. Now, I don't very easily doubt myself, but this? This did it. 

And Satan knew that it would.

So why am I writing this? I'm normally pretty peppy on here, aren't I?

I'm writing it because of this:

All of this, the big kickers, (plus the zillions of little things) force you to either:

a) Break and crumble under the pressure

or

b) Come closer to our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, as well as the Father. 

Trials are just the things that make us choose. We either devote ourselves, or fall. There is no other way.

So. What did I do?

I told myself that Guy #1 is just a guy. Albeit a very good guy, but in the end? Just a guy. My Savior needs this time with me more than I need time with Guy #1. (Through prayer, I was also able to realize that we're just really good friend anyways.)

I cried about what my ex-boyfriend did in the past, as seeing him re-opens old wounds, and I cried about what he said as I passed by. Did I deserve that? Of course not. Will I be reduced by it? When pigs fly.

I wrote my sister a note telling her how I felt, seeing as how she won't talk to me. She ignored it, but I feel better knowing that I at least tried to do something to salvage the relationship before I leave for the next 18 months.

I did not retaliate in anger as this girl that said these incredibly rude, uncalled for, and viscous things to me. I let her know that it wasn't okay to treat me as she was, apologized for the wrongs that she believes that I did, and left the situation. 

And then I prayed. 

Our Lord, Christ, The Redeemer, The Prince of Peace, The Son of God is always there for us. He was confused with me, He cried with me, He longed with me, and He was wounded right alongside me. Every single step of the way, He was with me. He knew what I was feeling during each of these events. But He also knew that I could make it through them. 

When you're feeling weak, there is always Somebody that knows that we can make it. 

Even if we don't know it ourselves.  

Have faith in that, and take the next step that you can in the right direction. Leave the rest of it up to Him, and He will bless you for your strength.

He will be with you, even when you feel alone.

He will guide you, even when you feel lost. 

He lifts you, even when you feel low.

And most importantly: 

He will love you. Even when you feel unloved.

Especially when you feel unloved.

He will never abandon you. 

A Young Girl's Thoughts on Flying.

Me?

I'm not so special.

I mean, I have my finer moments, but you wouldn't know that from just looking at me.

You wouldn't know that I fully believe that Imagine Dragons is a gift from heaven from just a glance.

You'd probably never guess that I'm an avid smoothie maker/adorer when you pass me on the street.

And most likely, you wouldn't guess that I'd decided to put everything that makes my life familiar and comfortable on hold to move to a place that I've never been to solely to talk to people I've never met and tell them about my story--and more importantly, Somebody else's story that has effected every choice I make. That knowing what I know and living how I strive to live brings an exquisite joy, and how coming to that same knowledge about what He has done for them can change their lives as well.

It's crazy how much a single choice can affect a life. Big ones, small ones. They all have the same consequence upon many, many souls.

So ya, I'm only 18. Soon to be 19. Going out into the world all by myself into the world for the very first time in 3 months.

But goodness. Come what may, I'm going. I'm going to that place that I've never been to to talk to anybody who will listen to me about our Lord and Savior and how they can be happier after hearing what I've got to say.

Because there is not a single thing that I believe more fully, not a thing that has captured my heart with more rapture. Nothing that could be of more worth to so many people, as well as myself.

Just watch me.

Happiness.

You know what happiness is?

Happiness could be listening to loud music that makes your heart beat wildly and your face smile till it's too painful to smile for any longer.

Happiness might be miraculous love. The kind of love that makes you wonder how you were happy before they came along.

Happiness...maybe it's the warmth from the sun as it shines on your face, letting you know just how very much alive you are.

No. Happiness is just one thing, if we're being honest.

The one thing that Happiness is, without a doubt, is faith in a better tomorrow. The belief that no matter what happens, as long as you're still walking along to the drum that beats right there in your chest, things are gonna be just fine.

So many people lose that beat. Everybody gets thrown off of it every once in a while.

The brave ones in this life are the ones that find that beat again, after realizing that there's pain for the ones that keep in time. Sorrow from abandoning those that risk that precious tempo. Agony over seeing loved ones lose it. Heartbreak from those that would have you lose it to help themselves feel less guilt over their loss. 

Happiness? I refuse to lose it. Because this world has way too many sad people already.

Even when the music doesn't play, the loved ones are no longer a part of your life, and the sun doesn't shine anymore.

Keep your head up, and make your beat the most unique thing on earth. Make it beautiful. Make it special.

Make it yours.

And own it.

Le Mission Call.

SO.

Drumroll for dramatic effect, if you would.

AHEM.

Dear Sister Nisse,

You are hereby called to serve as a missionary of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. You are assigned to labor in the WEST VIRGINIA CHARLESTON MISSION. You should report to the Provo Missionary Training Center on Wednesday, August 14th, 2013. You will prepare to preach the gospel in the English language. 

You know, I had all these crazy ideas of going to Europe or New York or like Argentina or something crazy like that, and to be perfectly honest,  I thought that I was going to be disappointed with anything less than the great grand adventure that I wanted to the places that I've always dreamed of going to. But this? Oh my. I would not dare to have it ANY other way.

I have never been there in my life, but I feel like it's absolutely perfect. 

West Virginia never ever crossed my mind, but as soon as I read those words, it was just like, "Ya, that! That's it! That's exactly, exactly, it."

Now, I feel like if I had read the 'France Paris Mission' I would be disappointed. 

I've already Google stalked the crap out of the place (would you expect any less from the crazy redhead..?) and it is BEE-UH-YOO-TUH-FUL. Just green, green, green! Everywhere! AND. THERE IS A CASTLE IN MY MISSION. 

Perfect. 

Absolutely perfect.