Ha. Ha.

I was leaving Mission Prep the other day and my teacher turns to me and says, and I QUOTE:

"Man, I'm having a hard time believing that there isn't anybody in the Single's Ward angling for you to not go on a mission."

>_>

Bless your heart, Brother Kleinman.

I'll just take this as the compliment that you intended it to be, and not the sudden call to awareness over my distinct singleness that popped into my head.

Nah, but in all seriousness, this has been a real struggle for me! (Not the singleness...well, I guess so but not in the way you're thinking...I'll just tell the rest of my story...) When I first got into the single's ward, I was, well...'twas not a pretty sight, let's say that. I had just gotten through the worst part of a very bad breakup, and I was in that awkward stage that exists when you're trying to figure out how, exactly, to be single again.

But oh my.

Suddenly, there were boys.

Lots of 'em.

Needless to say, Crazy Mormon Girl Meggie was on the prowl. And she was not going to be easily satiated. Of course not. Why would she ever let me off easy?

Crazy Mormon Girl Meggie decided to go after every guy in the ward that it was pretty certain that it was never going to work out with. The fresh RM. The one leaving for BYU in less than a month. The preemie. Oi vay.

And to all my fellow LDS girls out there, if you say that you don't have a Crazy Mormon Girl locked up inside of your head somewhere that starts thinking about picture poses for Save-the-Dates as soon as you see that cute new guy in your ward you are lying!

You hear me?

LYING.

In any case, after each inevitable romantic failure, Crazy Mormon Girl Meggie began to get more and more discouraged. Wasn't I pursuing a righteous desire? Why wasn't Prince Charming falling into my lap, ready and willing to take me to the temple all dressed up in white and handsomeness and spirituality and make my dreams come true?

Because the timing was all wrong, that's why.

I was running from what I knew I was being called to do.

The door for me to go had been opened right as I was able to walk through.

"Go," I'd hear whispered inside of my head when I prayed about it.

"Go and preach My word as you know you have been prepared to do."

No! I was adamant. I'm a good enough missionary here, I'd tell myself. I don't need that little black name tag to do this job well.

But then, as I was sitting in Stake Conference, Proverbs 3:5 was read:

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding."

Meaghan. You have been leaning unto thine own understanding. You know what you must do.

'But Lord," I said, "I am so, so afriad."

Trust in Me.

And so here I am. Going. Trusting.

I know He'll help me.